Monday, June 11, 2012

'Cause I'm not Perfect.

A very dear friend of mine says "We teach people how to treat us." She used it in the context of taking responsibility for someone else hurting her feelings. That statement has been ringing true for me lately.
I've recently reached the end of my rope on the level of hurt I can handle from one individual. It's not all that they do (which I don't agree with, but we live our own lives). It's the way I am treated by this person. The way this person makes choices without consequence. The way her world supports her choices. But mostly how I'm made to feel around the whole situation.
I was recently asked to put myself into an emotionally painful situation and told that what was expected of me was to just not say anything and just show up and be quiet. These are the people who are "supposed to" know me better than anyone. I'd like to think they know me better than to think I can just make myself present just for the sake of being there. And NOT SAY ANYTHING when people are pushing my emotional buttons. So I just didn't. I just said no. And I chose to give my energy to those who give back. You don't have to be nice to me all the time. You don't have to be good all the time, but for Heaven's sake, do not require me to be someone I am not.
I truly love all these people, but I love myself too much to willingly put myself into hurtful situations. I can't expect other people to care about my emotional well being, but I absolutely will not set my own feelings aside for folks who will not see me for who I am.
OK, enough catharsis for one post. One day I'll be emotionally mature enough to handle all things, but today is not that day. Peace.

1 comment:

  1. Love you. Sending big ol' internet hugs your way.