I want to do it all.

It's been a while since my last post. There are a few reasons for that. One is that there are some external stressors in my life that I tend to over-react to. Or, maybe appropriately react, but either way, I go off the deep end from time to time. Really, these stressors don't directly affect my life much, other than on an emotional level, so I am working my way through dealing with it. (vague much?)

Another reason for the lack of posting is I've been caught up in routine. Well, sort-of. From the outside, my life may seem far from routine. But it happens just the same. 

Oh, and then there's the fact that April happened. April is birthday month for both the Mr and I. That could mean awesome-fun-celebration month, or, as is usually the case with us, Broke Month. Along with having the car registrations and state inspections for 2 cars, April is tax time. As a self-employed mom who is married to a regular-job guy filing joint taxes, the whole "return" concept gets a bit dicey. We did get a return this year, but a slim one. April also happens to be when my business liability insurance comes due. Somehow, the bill was missed and I discovered I'd been without insurance for a week and a half. Oops. Oh, and there's the spring tire change that has to happen. (cha-ching) So, see why I haven't been posting. This financial crap is boring. With all those expenses for April, we decided to put our intense saving for Euro-trip 2012 on hold. It's just one month, and we intend to catch-up in the next 3.

Today, I am taking a sick day, as I caught some odd tummy bug over the weekend. It was pretty epic, actually, as I drank a little wine at a baby shower and got ill all over the front yard at my friend's house. It looked like I was an extreme lush, but as it turns out, I've got a nasty bug, cause it's still with me today. (OK guys, you can call off the intervention! It's a tummy bug!) 

This sick day is allowing me some time I wouldn't have otherwise taken to assess my life & day to day routines. It seems I'm once again over-extended. I'm currently serving on 2 boards of directors, working as a massage therapist, teaching a Yoga class, being a mom, newly taking Aikido classes, aspiring to mountain bike all summer (I mean, I just got a new bike seat), taking road trips all over New England (Burlington, Portland, Boston), Planning more road trips (Montreal, anyone?), Planting a garden, becoming a runner, I could go on...

What's being neglected? My house, obviously. This place is pretty trashed with kids' toys and paperwork and laundry. My husband, likely. He's not a complainer, so I have to be more aware of these things. My health- usually I get sick when I'm overextended, so I should listen to that. 

Here's the rub: I genuinely WANT to do all the things I'm doing, plus more. I want to go rock climbing more this summer. I want to paddle the rivers and lakes around here. I want to make some great Yoga videos to share all over the internets. I want to re-design my web page. That thing hasn't gotten any love in a very long time. 

I suppose I'm lucky, or blessed, or smart. I'm just plain glad that I really do enjoy my life and all the things I'm doing. It's just got to be about priorities for me right now. I'm not big on list-making but this may be just the occasion for it. It's great to want to do many things, but it could be time for me to plant my feet on the ground and prioritize, deciding what gets left in the dust, or, better yet, manage my time so I can do ALL things. 

Well, that was nice.

I am now the mother of a 5 year old. Check it out:

So, there was sledding, and kids, and rainbow cake, and gifts, and me not talking about how it feels to be the mother of a 5 year old... 'cause honestly, I'm still processing it. Happy birthday to my baby, who informed me that she is most certainly not a baby, as she's 5 now...

Damn, I'm Good.

One month in to 2012 and I'm doing remarkably well with my resolutions, if I do say so myself.
Let's review:
I have resolved to:

• Simplify- I am still quite busy, but I have managed to change a few things at my volunteer job to make things seem less insane. Some of my simplifying is requiring me to take on a bit more work initially, but ought to pay off in the end. Sometimes it takes a bit of upfront work to make life easier, I suppose.
• Water my Lawn- I used this as a metaphor for giving more of myself to my family and home life. I think this one will be a constant awareness for me, but I am working at it. I am making more time to be with my husband and kiddo and doing my best to make that quality time. It's not that I don't want to spend some quality time with them, it's just that I get so darned caught up in other stuff that I don't make the time and effort. 
• Save Money for Eurotrip - This is going quite well. T and I have saved aggressively before, but mostly for the purposes of paying off debt. This is much more fun. We set monthly savings goals -we met our January goal; just barely, but we met it just the same- Tracy has been using online tools to make a fund drive thermometer like this one every month: 

Whenever we add a few bucks to the savings account, the temperature goes up. It seems cheesy, but it's helpful to maintain focus. At this rate, we'll have a pretty amazing trip.

Another goal I half- set was fitness related. I've been doing some fun workouts fairly consistently and am getting stronger. I managed to get my hands on a set of P90X videos and they are a blast! I'm also doing some interval training, and stepping up my Yoga practice. Although I have no solid fitness goals, I am happy to just be more active for now. 

Resolution Check-In

OK, so it's day 6 of 2012 and I can safely say I own this year!
Checking in with the resolutions I made earlier this week:

• organize
• water my lawn
• save for Eurotrip 2012

OK so I've already taken steps on the organizing front. We had a board meeting last night and I laid it out that I needed more help from the others and that the treasurer was just not keeping up with his responsibilities. I'm not known for being too gentle with people's feelings, especially where my own stress level is involved, but a few bruised egos and some explanatory emails later, it looks like we're going to have a new, more organized treasurer and a few other changes on the board. I've got to do a bit more work to make things easier in the long run, like listing some tasks to delegate, but I have a good feeling about this one!

The watering my lawn part has to do with giving a bit more love and attention to my family. Although some of the week was taken up with meetings and such, I think I'm doing better at this. Just "showing up" and being present is a big thing and something that gets forgotten about amid the to-do's of day to day life. We spent some time making pizza and watching a movie the other night, and I've been making more of an effort to listen to the others in my household. I think this one will be more of a slow and steady shift, but I know the greatness that my little family is capable of, so I will definitely keep on it!

Saving for Eurotrip is so exciting! A few years back, before the baby came, we did Dave Ramsey's financial fitness plan and killed our debt. It was so exhilarating to pay off each credit card and loan. Well, we're tackling this savings plan with as much intensity and enthusiasm as when we took on our debt.  T called me from work yesterday to set a savings goal for January and we are already well on our way! He even sent me a dorky email with a cartoon drawing of one of those fundraiser thermostat things with the red filled in up to where we're at. Adorable. 

I'm also on this fitness kick that has me working out every day. Although it wasn't a big new year's goal, I'm pretty proud of myself for it. Maybe I'll even be fit enough to enter our cross country ski race this year. I'm just hoping for some more snow.

Now, I suppose I ought to tackle those dirty dishes...

In 2012, I Resolve To...

New Year's Resolutions are not typically my thing. I like to periodically look at my life and try and work on making it better without a calendar date to tell me it's time.

This year, my goal-setting and the new year happen to coincide. 

I've got a couple of different resolutions that relate to each other well. Before I go into that, I'd like to say how pleased I am with my self that I don't have those typical "lose 50 pounds" or "quit smoking" resolutions. I was going to try and lose about 5 pounds and get into better shape, but thanks in part to bodyrock.tv and myfitnesspal.com, I did that in December. Now it's just keeping up the fitness and maintaining the weight for me. So, not really a resolution. But I do have a few that may sound familiar to you. In no particular order, in 2012, I resolve to: 

• Simplify

This relates mainly to my volunteer work. I am determined to find a way to make it what I want it to be so I can spend less energy doing things that don't excite me. It's not always about having the time to do these things, it's also about having the energy to devote to it. The more energy I devote to volunteering for stuff I don't want to do, the less I have to spend on the fun stuff. 

Simplifying can also relate to the other ways in which I'm already working on simplifying: my home decor, wardrobe, diet, schedule, etc. 

• Water My Lawn

I saw this post on Pinterest the other day and it fits me well right now:

Not that I'm about to jump ship or anything, but every now and then the day to day of hum-drum life seems just a bit blah. A bit unfulfilling. I think it's natural for the mind to wonder what if. To look outside of ourselves for validation and worthiness. So- I resolve to water my own lawn.
I've got tons of great stuff going right now. Seeing what I have and appreciating it is great and needed, but I've got to do more. I've got to "bring it." Nurturing the parts of my life that nourish and fulfill me. Things I will "water":
My health- continuing to exercise and eat well and take vitamins. Keeping up with good habits and being generally loving toward myself.
As taking care of myself is quite important, I've also got to give some love to those that love me back.
My family- From the outside, my husband and I have a great relationship and really, we do. Being human, we do have things we need to work on. When I'm feeling less than fulfilled in marriage, I will often look to my husband, thinking up ways he can improve and picking at things that just don't seem like enough. This year, I'm going to work to shift my awareness here. Sure, there's things that I want to be different, but what am I bringing to the table, here? If I don't bring myself 110% to the marriage/ family/ household picture, there's no way the grass on this side will be greener. Then what? go to the "other side" and fuck up that grass? No way.
Along with that, bringing more of myself as a parent to my daughter is a 2012 plan of mine. If my daughter is acting like a turd, it's likely because I haven't yet done a good enough job of teaching and modeling how not to be a turd. (Not that she's a rotten kid or anything, but she is a kid.)
For me this year, watering my own lawn looks like bringing more of the best parts of me to my family. They are the ones who help me thrive and they deserve more of the best of me.

• Save Money For Eurotrip 2012

So, we bought our tickets to Europe! This effectively drained our bank accounts. If we don't do a great job with focus and savings in the next 6 months or so, our Europe trip will look like this: We fly to Berlin and hang out for 3 weeks at a friends house, eating rice and beans and wandering aimlessly on foot 'cause we're dead broke. We'd rather our trip look more like this: Some visiting in Berlin, travel to Paris, South to the French Mediterranean, Over to the Swiss and/or Bavarian Alps [hiking!], Cruise down the Rhine and head back up to Berlin all the while tasting wines and beers and chocolates and cheeses and touring museums and castles with the possibility of a night at the Moulin Rouge in Paris and a night at a rock concert in Berlin. 

While we could have fun either way, I'd rather my first ever overseas trip look more like the latter. 

So, how do we save? We really live a fairly frugal lifestyle. That said, there are ways we can cut back a little more. We do tend to dine out more than we need to. Even if we choose to go to restaurants, we can make little changes like splitting a meal (T and I used to do that a lot) and ordering water instead of wine with dinner. 

We've spent quite a bit of money and energy in the past couple of years on home improvement projects. At least for 2012, we can ease off the house projects and send that money to the bank for our trip. 

Of course, any "found money" or spare cash, or if by chance, we get a decent tax return, that will go to saving for the trip as well. 

We are fairly good at saving and "telling our money where to go" so I'm confident we can do it, we just need to keep reminding ourselves of our goals. 

Along with these 3 resolutions, I've got some minor goals of nurturing friendships and not stressing so much about things that I can't change, refocusing my business goals and that sort of thing. Lils starts kindergarten in 2012 so it's overall going to be a big year! 

With that said, Happy New Year! 

I hope 2012 is the best year yet for you and yours. 

Survived the Holidays!

Christmas is officially over at my house. It ended when Lils and I took down the tree today and shoved it out the front door. It will look lovely in the New Year's Eve conflagration on Saturday. 

For all my grumpiness around the holidays, I actually did quite well this year.
I managed to Christmas shop without breaking the bank. I've got a marketable skill as a massage therapist and am convinced that a good massage is all anyone really wants for Christmas. I hit up a couple of local business owners and bartered gift certificates to gift shops, boutiques, and even a hair salon. I even gave some massage gc's directly to some people who I know would use them. There's a good gift at little cost to me. We also gave out cookies and cranberry chutney to folks. I even baked some gluten free cookies for those people in our life that eat that way.
So, as the gift giving tends to be the most stressful part of the holidays for me, I am happy to report that it went quite well this year! Kiddo's best gift from us was a handmade doll changing table. For $10 at the thrift store, we got this:

 And turned it into this:

I love that she is still at that age where the biggest gift she asks for can be got for very little. We were pretty proud of ourselves for making it, too. 

I feel like I made out well this year, stressed way less than usual, and didn't go broke trying to make things just right for everyone. 

For now, I will look to 2012 with great anticipation. We bought our airfare to Europe as a gift to ourselves this year. 

Clutter or Holiday Decorations?

I'm constantly fighting clutter. I don't usually win. I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays for various reasons, one of which is all the added mess and clutter it brings into my home. Decorations don't really excite me much. I wouldn't put them up at all if it weren't for kiddo and Mr. T. -They love this stuff.
Having recently decorated a float for a holiday parade in town, and having had all the decorations in piles around the house, I feel like I've already had my fill of Christmas decorations. (and Christmas music!)
Along with that is the extra travel we do this time of year, making sure to see all the family. We end up living out of bags and never fully unpacking. Then we have lots of family and friends visiting us, too. We absolutely love to see them, but the toys scattered by the kids and the constant dishes and messes to clean up, and the ever-growing piles of stuff that get left behind, well, it's all part of it I suppose.
Don't get me wrong. I love the company and the cooking and festivities of it all. I just have a fairly small house and any bit extra gets to feel overwhelming at times. So, forgive me if I don't rush out to get the Christmas tree and if I slack a bit on getting the holiday lights up on the house.

Flashlight Dance Party

Our little family seems to have developed a ritual for blowing off steam at the end of a long day (or series of long days). The flashlight dance party.
We turn off all the lights and blast tunes on the ipod as we dance around the kitchen holding flashlights. We go crazy. Jumping around and shaking it like drunk co-eds at a night club. Lils calls it "getting your sillies out." It's the best. We get to blow off steam and re-set our moods. Sometimes the best things to do as a family can be just goofing off.

Our playlist for the flashlight dance party tonight:
E Eats Everything -They Might Be Giants
Shake It- Michael Franti
If I Ever Leave This World Alive- Flogging Molly.

A week in pictures

What on Earth have I been up to this past week? Well, Halloween, for one thing:

 It's quickly becoming my favorite holiday. Kiddo was a witch (her choice) and I went all out and did 2 different costumes. A witch for the daytime trick or treat, then this awesome fairy costume for a party and the night time trick or treat. Fairy costume is a little on the racy side so I'm not posting it here.
While I had the sewing machine out, I restyled a couple of boxy t-shirts. This one's my fave:

 Apologies for the bad bathroom mirror sideways shot.

We got our first real snow of the season. About 4 inches here, but some folks south of us got more than 2 feet of snow from the same storm.

 First snowman of the season:

Aside from all that, I've been stressing myself out to the max, trying to get the ski club I volunteer for all set for the season. Herding volunteers isn't always easy. I'm also working on boosting my own enthusiasm to make things work. It's been waning, and that's no good for anyone. 

Wish me luck!

They tell me it was a good weekend.

So, I spent much of the weekend in a cough medicine induced haze. I'm told my brother in law and niece came to visit. And that we went to Mom and Dad's to check out their new ambulance, purchased to convert into a camper van. 

And the kids made cookies. Here's proof:

Back to the grind for Monday. I'm feeling much better, but still not 100%. I only had a coughing fit in the middle of one massage. My clients are way too tolerant of that kind of nonsense, in my opinion. Good for me.

I even managed to have dinner ready and on the table in time for T-Rex to arrive home. (I can count the number of times I've done this in our 8 years married on one hand) 

I canceled my dental appointment for tomorrow. I actually told the receptionist, "I have post nasal drip and am coughing and nobody wants to be in my mouth right now." TMI? I think so. 

I think I'll use that time for some good retail therapy instead. 

Weekend Love

This weekend couldn't come soon enough. As much as I love my work, I've been fighting with an upper respiratory "something" that has been sending me into some nasty coughing fits. Imagine your massage therapist having to go off to a corner of the room and hack up a lung midway through your session. Yeah. Not appealing. Whatever it is that has set me coughing hasn't been bad enough to cancel my schedule (remember, no work, no pay) I have been dreading the inevitable nastiness that it has brought to nearly every massage session this week.
Unlike most weekends, we don't have anything scheduled that we absolutely need to be at in the next couple of days. I fully intend to enjoy every last second of whatever we do or don't do.

Hello Friday!