I want to do it all.

It's been a while since my last post. There are a few reasons for that. One is that there are some external stressors in my life that I tend to over-react to. Or, maybe appropriately react, but either way, I go off the deep end from time to time. Really, these stressors don't directly affect my life much, other than on an emotional level, so I am working my way through dealing with it. (vague much?)

Another reason for the lack of posting is I've been caught up in routine. Well, sort-of. From the outside, my life may seem far from routine. But it happens just the same. 

Oh, and then there's the fact that April happened. April is birthday month for both the Mr and I. That could mean awesome-fun-celebration month, or, as is usually the case with us, Broke Month. Along with having the car registrations and state inspections for 2 cars, April is tax time. As a self-employed mom who is married to a regular-job guy filing joint taxes, the whole "return" concept gets a bit dicey. We did get a return this year, but a slim one. April also happens to be when my business liability insurance comes due. Somehow, the bill was missed and I discovered I'd been without insurance for a week and a half. Oops. Oh, and there's the spring tire change that has to happen. (cha-ching) So, see why I haven't been posting. This financial crap is boring. With all those expenses for April, we decided to put our intense saving for Euro-trip 2012 on hold. It's just one month, and we intend to catch-up in the next 3.

Today, I am taking a sick day, as I caught some odd tummy bug over the weekend. It was pretty epic, actually, as I drank a little wine at a baby shower and got ill all over the front yard at my friend's house. It looked like I was an extreme lush, but as it turns out, I've got a nasty bug, cause it's still with me today. (OK guys, you can call off the intervention! It's a tummy bug!) 

This sick day is allowing me some time I wouldn't have otherwise taken to assess my life & day to day routines. It seems I'm once again over-extended. I'm currently serving on 2 boards of directors, working as a massage therapist, teaching a Yoga class, being a mom, newly taking Aikido classes, aspiring to mountain bike all summer (I mean, I just got a new bike seat), taking road trips all over New England (Burlington, Portland, Boston), Planning more road trips (Montreal, anyone?), Planting a garden, becoming a runner, I could go on...

What's being neglected? My house, obviously. This place is pretty trashed with kids' toys and paperwork and laundry. My husband, likely. He's not a complainer, so I have to be more aware of these things. My health- usually I get sick when I'm overextended, so I should listen to that. 

Here's the rub: I genuinely WANT to do all the things I'm doing, plus more. I want to go rock climbing more this summer. I want to paddle the rivers and lakes around here. I want to make some great Yoga videos to share all over the internets. I want to re-design my web page. That thing hasn't gotten any love in a very long time. 

I suppose I'm lucky, or blessed, or smart. I'm just plain glad that I really do enjoy my life and all the things I'm doing. It's just got to be about priorities for me right now. I'm not big on list-making but this may be just the occasion for it. It's great to want to do many things, but it could be time for me to plant my feet on the ground and prioritize, deciding what gets left in the dust, or, better yet, manage my time so I can do ALL things. 

Update on Euro-Trip 2012

I'm pretty sure that my obsession with a vacation that is taking place several months from now is borderline pathological. 

I've been talking about it to everyone who will listen for the past few months already. I'm even dreaming about it at night. My friends are becoming annoyed with my extreme budgeting. One very dear friend bluntly stated "Leane, you have a sickness." When I was making lunch plans around the time I was taking to practice pack my bag and weigh it. (23 pounds, so far) 

Oh well. Es ist was es ist. If you happen to be one of those people who's tired of hearing about it, you can stop reading now. 

This is the part where I justify my obsession:

I have never been overseas. I can say I've traveled internationally, but when you live in northern NH and you're visiting family in Canada, it doesn't count for much. I have always wanted to travel for as long as I can remember. Growing up where I did, traveling to another continent may as well have been like traveling to another planet. Without getting into it too much, the cost was insurmountable at the time. 

I've had a very dear friend from Germany since I was about 11. We had an instant connection, and could go a long while (10 years at one time) being out of touch, but the second we re-connect we are able to pick up where we left off. If you've never had a friend like that, you should go out and get one right now. He has traveled to the States a few times to visit with his family and friends here, and I have been informed it is my turn to go there and visit now. On top of that, Tracy had lived in France for a year while in high school and has been dying to go back ever since. So yeah, we're excited. 

Our progress so far:

Tickets to Berlin are booked. That was our Christmas gift to each other. Babysitters are lined up. As much as it kills me to leave her behind, it feels good to know we've got so many good people to care for her while we're gone. Wills and such written. It sounds morbid and dull, but we thought it necessary and responsible to make sure those things are in order in case the bad thing happens. Parisian apartment rented. That's right. We looked at hotels and other means of lodging for Paris and determined that the coolest way to go would be to rent an apartment for a week. Oh yes. We are that cool. 

In other news, I now possess a credit card. We worked our tails off to pay off all our credit card debt a few years back and swore we'd never go back to that awful place. T has had a card in his name for a while that we used for large-ish purchases, and that thing was paid off every single time a charge got posted. I, however, have not had a credit card in my name for more than 6 years. This card is for travel, and is the way to go. Stuff you buy on it is insured and there is no international transaction fee on this particular card. If all goes according to plan, we'll use it just for the big trip and pay it off, as we're still saving money like mad people on a mission and intend to do the trip without taking out any debt. So far so good. That said, being in possession of a credit card is a bit terrifying after having overcome that debt. 

So, with a few months to go before we leave, I am feeling so ready to just be there. Excited for the new experiences, reconnecting with a dear friend, and spending some quality alone time with my honey. 

The Value of a Kid-Free Weekend

Some folks just won't do overnight trips without their kids. We are not those people. Don't get me wrong, we love our daughter and enjoy spending time with her. She's a pretty cool kid. She's adventurous and travels well, too. We just need our grown-up time every now and then to stay sane. It's great for us as a couple to spend some time with each other and have some un-interrupted adult conversation. The option to sleep in is nice, too.

Lucky for us, there are plenty of capable people we can leave her with while we go out and play. We don't take for granted how cool it is to be able to drop her off and not have to worry about her all weekend. 

How'd we spend our kid-free weekend? Acting like kids ourselves, that's how! 

We dropped Lils off with her Grammy and made our way to Burlington, VT to see some very good friends who we don't get to spend nearly enough time with. 

We all traveled up to a place called Lincoln Gap, about a half hour out of town. It's a mountain pass road and the top mile of it is closed in the winter time. Parking at the "road closed" sign, we hiked our plastic sleds up to the top of the hill. That top half-mile makes for a pretty insane sled run. 

After all that sledding, we were hungry! We checked out a sweet little Thai restaurant that is BYOB. The food was excellent, and dinner out is much much cheaper when you're not buying wine! 

The next morning was a lazy quiet Sunday morning with some excellent homemade eggs Benedict on fresh croissants. Perfection!

We loved the weekend away, getting together with good friends and having some grown-up time, and Lily had an excellent weekend playing with her Grammie and Grampie.

I don't want to be without her every weekend, but it is necessary (for us) to have that kid-free time every now and then. 

Damn, I'm Good.

One month in to 2012 and I'm doing remarkably well with my resolutions, if I do say so myself.
Let's review:
I have resolved to:

• Simplify- I am still quite busy, but I have managed to change a few things at my volunteer job to make things seem less insane. Some of my simplifying is requiring me to take on a bit more work initially, but ought to pay off in the end. Sometimes it takes a bit of upfront work to make life easier, I suppose.
• Water my Lawn- I used this as a metaphor for giving more of myself to my family and home life. I think this one will be a constant awareness for me, but I am working at it. I am making more time to be with my husband and kiddo and doing my best to make that quality time. It's not that I don't want to spend some quality time with them, it's just that I get so darned caught up in other stuff that I don't make the time and effort. 
• Save Money for Eurotrip - This is going quite well. T and I have saved aggressively before, but mostly for the purposes of paying off debt. This is much more fun. We set monthly savings goals -we met our January goal; just barely, but we met it just the same- Tracy has been using online tools to make a fund drive thermometer like this one every month: 

Whenever we add a few bucks to the savings account, the temperature goes up. It seems cheesy, but it's helpful to maintain focus. At this rate, we'll have a pretty amazing trip.

Another goal I half- set was fitness related. I've been doing some fun workouts fairly consistently and am getting stronger. I managed to get my hands on a set of P90X videos and they are a blast! I'm also doing some interval training, and stepping up my Yoga practice. Although I have no solid fitness goals, I am happy to just be more active for now. 

Resolution Check-In

OK, so it's day 6 of 2012 and I can safely say I own this year!
Checking in with the resolutions I made earlier this week:

• organize
• water my lawn
• save for Eurotrip 2012

OK so I've already taken steps on the organizing front. We had a board meeting last night and I laid it out that I needed more help from the others and that the treasurer was just not keeping up with his responsibilities. I'm not known for being too gentle with people's feelings, especially where my own stress level is involved, but a few bruised egos and some explanatory emails later, it looks like we're going to have a new, more organized treasurer and a few other changes on the board. I've got to do a bit more work to make things easier in the long run, like listing some tasks to delegate, but I have a good feeling about this one!

The watering my lawn part has to do with giving a bit more love and attention to my family. Although some of the week was taken up with meetings and such, I think I'm doing better at this. Just "showing up" and being present is a big thing and something that gets forgotten about amid the to-do's of day to day life. We spent some time making pizza and watching a movie the other night, and I've been making more of an effort to listen to the others in my household. I think this one will be more of a slow and steady shift, but I know the greatness that my little family is capable of, so I will definitely keep on it!

Saving for Eurotrip is so exciting! A few years back, before the baby came, we did Dave Ramsey's financial fitness plan and killed our debt. It was so exhilarating to pay off each credit card and loan. Well, we're tackling this savings plan with as much intensity and enthusiasm as when we took on our debt.  T called me from work yesterday to set a savings goal for January and we are already well on our way! He even sent me a dorky email with a cartoon drawing of one of those fundraiser thermostat things with the red filled in up to where we're at. Adorable. 

I'm also on this fitness kick that has me working out every day. Although it wasn't a big new year's goal, I'm pretty proud of myself for it. Maybe I'll even be fit enough to enter our cross country ski race this year. I'm just hoping for some more snow.

Now, I suppose I ought to tackle those dirty dishes...

In 2012, I Resolve To...

New Year's Resolutions are not typically my thing. I like to periodically look at my life and try and work on making it better without a calendar date to tell me it's time.

This year, my goal-setting and the new year happen to coincide. 

I've got a couple of different resolutions that relate to each other well. Before I go into that, I'd like to say how pleased I am with my self that I don't have those typical "lose 50 pounds" or "quit smoking" resolutions. I was going to try and lose about 5 pounds and get into better shape, but thanks in part to bodyrock.tv and myfitnesspal.com, I did that in December. Now it's just keeping up the fitness and maintaining the weight for me. So, not really a resolution. But I do have a few that may sound familiar to you. In no particular order, in 2012, I resolve to: 

• Simplify

This relates mainly to my volunteer work. I am determined to find a way to make it what I want it to be so I can spend less energy doing things that don't excite me. It's not always about having the time to do these things, it's also about having the energy to devote to it. The more energy I devote to volunteering for stuff I don't want to do, the less I have to spend on the fun stuff. 

Simplifying can also relate to the other ways in which I'm already working on simplifying: my home decor, wardrobe, diet, schedule, etc. 

• Water My Lawn

I saw this post on Pinterest the other day and it fits me well right now:

Not that I'm about to jump ship or anything, but every now and then the day to day of hum-drum life seems just a bit blah. A bit unfulfilling. I think it's natural for the mind to wonder what if. To look outside of ourselves for validation and worthiness. So- I resolve to water my own lawn.
I've got tons of great stuff going right now. Seeing what I have and appreciating it is great and needed, but I've got to do more. I've got to "bring it." Nurturing the parts of my life that nourish and fulfill me. Things I will "water":
My health- continuing to exercise and eat well and take vitamins. Keeping up with good habits and being generally loving toward myself.
As taking care of myself is quite important, I've also got to give some love to those that love me back.
My family- From the outside, my husband and I have a great relationship and really, we do. Being human, we do have things we need to work on. When I'm feeling less than fulfilled in marriage, I will often look to my husband, thinking up ways he can improve and picking at things that just don't seem like enough. This year, I'm going to work to shift my awareness here. Sure, there's things that I want to be different, but what am I bringing to the table, here? If I don't bring myself 110% to the marriage/ family/ household picture, there's no way the grass on this side will be greener. Then what? go to the "other side" and fuck up that grass? No way.
Along with that, bringing more of myself as a parent to my daughter is a 2012 plan of mine. If my daughter is acting like a turd, it's likely because I haven't yet done a good enough job of teaching and modeling how not to be a turd. (Not that she's a rotten kid or anything, but she is a kid.)
For me this year, watering my own lawn looks like bringing more of the best parts of me to my family. They are the ones who help me thrive and they deserve more of the best of me.

• Save Money For Eurotrip 2012

So, we bought our tickets to Europe! This effectively drained our bank accounts. If we don't do a great job with focus and savings in the next 6 months or so, our Europe trip will look like this: We fly to Berlin and hang out for 3 weeks at a friends house, eating rice and beans and wandering aimlessly on foot 'cause we're dead broke. We'd rather our trip look more like this: Some visiting in Berlin, travel to Paris, South to the French Mediterranean, Over to the Swiss and/or Bavarian Alps [hiking!], Cruise down the Rhine and head back up to Berlin all the while tasting wines and beers and chocolates and cheeses and touring museums and castles with the possibility of a night at the Moulin Rouge in Paris and a night at a rock concert in Berlin. 

While we could have fun either way, I'd rather my first ever overseas trip look more like the latter. 

So, how do we save? We really live a fairly frugal lifestyle. That said, there are ways we can cut back a little more. We do tend to dine out more than we need to. Even if we choose to go to restaurants, we can make little changes like splitting a meal (T and I used to do that a lot) and ordering water instead of wine with dinner. 

We've spent quite a bit of money and energy in the past couple of years on home improvement projects. At least for 2012, we can ease off the house projects and send that money to the bank for our trip. 

Of course, any "found money" or spare cash, or if by chance, we get a decent tax return, that will go to saving for the trip as well. 

We are fairly good at saving and "telling our money where to go" so I'm confident we can do it, we just need to keep reminding ourselves of our goals. 

Along with these 3 resolutions, I've got some minor goals of nurturing friendships and not stressing so much about things that I can't change, refocusing my business goals and that sort of thing. Lils starts kindergarten in 2012 so it's overall going to be a big year! 

With that said, Happy New Year! 

I hope 2012 is the best year yet for you and yours. 

Working Smarter

I was reading an essay about the Occupy Wall Street movement. The writer states that, "If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn’t mean you would be a midget if you were bald."
Although I disagree with the unfair distribution of wealth in the US, and the world, I do admit to a part of me dreaming of being in that top 1%. Heck, I'd settle for the top 30%. The above statement, arguing against the idea that working harder makes you wealthy, goes with the adage I like to live by of "work smarter, not harder". 
For my entire adult life, I've been aspiring to do just that. I chose a career that called to me, and luckily for me, massage therapy school was not very expensive when I attended 12 years ago. I came out of school with no student loan debt, thanks to a high paying summer job and parents that scraped together the rest to help me through. I have marketable skills, that, for whatever reason, even in this economy, people are still willing to pay for. And I'm good at what I do. (If I do say so myself) 
However, at this point in my career, I fear I may have hit the "glass ceiling" of my earning potential as a massage therapist. 
By moving my office to my home, I cut away nearly all business related overhead. 
Charging more is out of the question in the current economy. I'm already charging the same if not more than other local LMT's. The local economy is showing signs of improvement on the horizon, so I may revisit this option sooner than later. 
I'm physically near maxed out on client numbers each week. Sure, I could up my 12 or so hours of massage per week to 20 or 25, but at what cost? I'd need to invest in some advertising, spend more on lotions and linens, and more importantly, I'd be using my body to its max every working day. This would surely lessen the longevity of my massage career, and I'd be too wiped out to spend my off time enjoying my life. My family would surely suffer. 
What to do? I've been taking continuing ed. classes that lean more toward bodywork modalities that are effective yet easier on the practitioner. That's helpful. But really, what I'm trying to discover is that elusive way to make more money while doing less. I want even more time off. And I want the lucrative income source to support that.
Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. I'm one of those people who, if I won millions of dollars, would probably keep my job. 
I'm thinking in order to break through that glass ceiling, I'd need some form of income that wasn't entirely dependent on my physical ability. Preferably something I can work at while I had the sniffles or if I was down with an injury. Something I can do from anywhere. 
Time to "automate" my income. I'm not exactly sure what that would look like at this moment. For now, I'm keeping my eyes and ears and mind open for that next big idea that will make me millions. 
What would I do with all that time and money? Mostly travel. And ski more. And buy all the fancy new gear for every type of outdoor recreation. Skis? Yes! Kayaks? Yes! Wingsuit for base-jumping? Sure, why not? But mostly, I want to travel. 


ps, If you are reading this, and want to give me large quantities of money for doing nothing, I'll take it, thank you.


pps, also taking suggestions on how to make money while doing very little. 

In Which I Plan My International Vacation

My husband and I are planning a trip to Europe next year. It's kind of a big deal.


First off, we'd be leaving our lovely little one in the care of close family and friends for the approximately 3 weeks of galavanting we've got planned. I'm sure it's going to be one of those things where we get all panicked and worried about leaving her for so long, and she'll be totally fine. Right?

Then there's the fact that I haven't been overseas before. I can count the number of times I've flown commercially on one hand, and I am a bit clueless as to how any of this is done. 
It's not that I've never been anywhere. I've driven up and down the east coast about a dozen times and have lived in a few different places. I've even been way up north to Canada (no great feat when you live in northern New England) and visited with family there, and I've been in plenty of awkward language barrier situations. 
I just know there's a ton of little things to know about and things I need to have and places that I absolutely must see and things I absolutely must not say or things I need to have for flights or crap I ought to just leave in the states ... The whole thing is just exhausting. The worst of it? We don't know what we don't know, so how would I know what to even ask about? 


It's not all that dire, though. We have a dear friend in Berlin that we can stay with for a little while. We'll likely fly in to Berlin and recover from the jet lag, and be belligerent Americans until we wear out our welcome. That's a start, anyway. 
We'll end up in France at some point as well. My husband lived in France for a year in high school. That was back in the pre-EU days, so I'm sure some things have changed. He'd love to go back, and I'd love to see France as well. We'll try and make it a bit of a second honeymoon, as our first one was an epic failure. More on that later...


We're trying to figure out how to cram in lots of places to see with the down time that we will need to drink wine and eat cheese. I'm most excited to be as immersed in the culture of these places as an only-English speaking American tourist can be. 
Hopefully, we'll look more like Rick Steves and less like Snooki and The Situation.

Got some travel advice for us? Feel free to post in the comments section. Ciao!