I want to do it all.

It's been a while since my last post. There are a few reasons for that. One is that there are some external stressors in my life that I tend to over-react to. Or, maybe appropriately react, but either way, I go off the deep end from time to time. Really, these stressors don't directly affect my life much, other than on an emotional level, so I am working my way through dealing with it. (vague much?)

Another reason for the lack of posting is I've been caught up in routine. Well, sort-of. From the outside, my life may seem far from routine. But it happens just the same. 

Oh, and then there's the fact that April happened. April is birthday month for both the Mr and I. That could mean awesome-fun-celebration month, or, as is usually the case with us, Broke Month. Along with having the car registrations and state inspections for 2 cars, April is tax time. As a self-employed mom who is married to a regular-job guy filing joint taxes, the whole "return" concept gets a bit dicey. We did get a return this year, but a slim one. April also happens to be when my business liability insurance comes due. Somehow, the bill was missed and I discovered I'd been without insurance for a week and a half. Oops. Oh, and there's the spring tire change that has to happen. (cha-ching) So, see why I haven't been posting. This financial crap is boring. With all those expenses for April, we decided to put our intense saving for Euro-trip 2012 on hold. It's just one month, and we intend to catch-up in the next 3.

Today, I am taking a sick day, as I caught some odd tummy bug over the weekend. It was pretty epic, actually, as I drank a little wine at a baby shower and got ill all over the front yard at my friend's house. It looked like I was an extreme lush, but as it turns out, I've got a nasty bug, cause it's still with me today. (OK guys, you can call off the intervention! It's a tummy bug!) 

This sick day is allowing me some time I wouldn't have otherwise taken to assess my life & day to day routines. It seems I'm once again over-extended. I'm currently serving on 2 boards of directors, working as a massage therapist, teaching a Yoga class, being a mom, newly taking Aikido classes, aspiring to mountain bike all summer (I mean, I just got a new bike seat), taking road trips all over New England (Burlington, Portland, Boston), Planning more road trips (Montreal, anyone?), Planting a garden, becoming a runner, I could go on...

What's being neglected? My house, obviously. This place is pretty trashed with kids' toys and paperwork and laundry. My husband, likely. He's not a complainer, so I have to be more aware of these things. My health- usually I get sick when I'm overextended, so I should listen to that. 

Here's the rub: I genuinely WANT to do all the things I'm doing, plus more. I want to go rock climbing more this summer. I want to paddle the rivers and lakes around here. I want to make some great Yoga videos to share all over the internets. I want to re-design my web page. That thing hasn't gotten any love in a very long time. 

I suppose I'm lucky, or blessed, or smart. I'm just plain glad that I really do enjoy my life and all the things I'm doing. It's just got to be about priorities for me right now. I'm not big on list-making but this may be just the occasion for it. It's great to want to do many things, but it could be time for me to plant my feet on the ground and prioritize, deciding what gets left in the dust, or, better yet, manage my time so I can do ALL things. 

In 2012, I Resolve To...

New Year's Resolutions are not typically my thing. I like to periodically look at my life and try and work on making it better without a calendar date to tell me it's time.

This year, my goal-setting and the new year happen to coincide. 

I've got a couple of different resolutions that relate to each other well. Before I go into that, I'd like to say how pleased I am with my self that I don't have those typical "lose 50 pounds" or "quit smoking" resolutions. I was going to try and lose about 5 pounds and get into better shape, but thanks in part to bodyrock.tv and myfitnesspal.com, I did that in December. Now it's just keeping up the fitness and maintaining the weight for me. So, not really a resolution. But I do have a few that may sound familiar to you. In no particular order, in 2012, I resolve to: 

• Simplify

This relates mainly to my volunteer work. I am determined to find a way to make it what I want it to be so I can spend less energy doing things that don't excite me. It's not always about having the time to do these things, it's also about having the energy to devote to it. The more energy I devote to volunteering for stuff I don't want to do, the less I have to spend on the fun stuff. 

Simplifying can also relate to the other ways in which I'm already working on simplifying: my home decor, wardrobe, diet, schedule, etc. 

• Water My Lawn

I saw this post on Pinterest the other day and it fits me well right now:

Not that I'm about to jump ship or anything, but every now and then the day to day of hum-drum life seems just a bit blah. A bit unfulfilling. I think it's natural for the mind to wonder what if. To look outside of ourselves for validation and worthiness. So- I resolve to water my own lawn.
I've got tons of great stuff going right now. Seeing what I have and appreciating it is great and needed, but I've got to do more. I've got to "bring it." Nurturing the parts of my life that nourish and fulfill me. Things I will "water":
My health- continuing to exercise and eat well and take vitamins. Keeping up with good habits and being generally loving toward myself.
As taking care of myself is quite important, I've also got to give some love to those that love me back.
My family- From the outside, my husband and I have a great relationship and really, we do. Being human, we do have things we need to work on. When I'm feeling less than fulfilled in marriage, I will often look to my husband, thinking up ways he can improve and picking at things that just don't seem like enough. This year, I'm going to work to shift my awareness here. Sure, there's things that I want to be different, but what am I bringing to the table, here? If I don't bring myself 110% to the marriage/ family/ household picture, there's no way the grass on this side will be greener. Then what? go to the "other side" and fuck up that grass? No way.
Along with that, bringing more of myself as a parent to my daughter is a 2012 plan of mine. If my daughter is acting like a turd, it's likely because I haven't yet done a good enough job of teaching and modeling how not to be a turd. (Not that she's a rotten kid or anything, but she is a kid.)
For me this year, watering my own lawn looks like bringing more of the best parts of me to my family. They are the ones who help me thrive and they deserve more of the best of me.

• Save Money For Eurotrip 2012

So, we bought our tickets to Europe! This effectively drained our bank accounts. If we don't do a great job with focus and savings in the next 6 months or so, our Europe trip will look like this: We fly to Berlin and hang out for 3 weeks at a friends house, eating rice and beans and wandering aimlessly on foot 'cause we're dead broke. We'd rather our trip look more like this: Some visiting in Berlin, travel to Paris, South to the French Mediterranean, Over to the Swiss and/or Bavarian Alps [hiking!], Cruise down the Rhine and head back up to Berlin all the while tasting wines and beers and chocolates and cheeses and touring museums and castles with the possibility of a night at the Moulin Rouge in Paris and a night at a rock concert in Berlin. 

While we could have fun either way, I'd rather my first ever overseas trip look more like the latter. 

So, how do we save? We really live a fairly frugal lifestyle. That said, there are ways we can cut back a little more. We do tend to dine out more than we need to. Even if we choose to go to restaurants, we can make little changes like splitting a meal (T and I used to do that a lot) and ordering water instead of wine with dinner. 

We've spent quite a bit of money and energy in the past couple of years on home improvement projects. At least for 2012, we can ease off the house projects and send that money to the bank for our trip. 

Of course, any "found money" or spare cash, or if by chance, we get a decent tax return, that will go to saving for the trip as well. 

We are fairly good at saving and "telling our money where to go" so I'm confident we can do it, we just need to keep reminding ourselves of our goals. 

Along with these 3 resolutions, I've got some minor goals of nurturing friendships and not stressing so much about things that I can't change, refocusing my business goals and that sort of thing. Lils starts kindergarten in 2012 so it's overall going to be a big year! 

With that said, Happy New Year! 

I hope 2012 is the best year yet for you and yours.